I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
