Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
