I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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