What did we do last night that was yellow?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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