we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
