Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
