And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
