i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
