By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
