I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
