Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
