hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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