I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
