Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
