bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
