Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
