pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
