I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
