Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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