Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
