Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Randomize
