party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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