We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
