I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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