Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
