I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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