No awkward lesbian experiences without me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
