so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
