Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
