There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
