4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
