I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
