Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
