It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
