theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My cat gives me a boner
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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