we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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