i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
