thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
