people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
