You can't motorboat a personality
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
