Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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