Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
