he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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