I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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