I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
