There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
