Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dear god my vagina.
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