life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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