if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
