i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
