Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
