He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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