omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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