Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
