somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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